Discussion Exercise

Read the following story and discuss the impact of the situation on the relational needs and emotions of each person described:

Frank and Juan, friends in similar positions, are at a community function.  During the break, Frank tells Juan that he was pulled over by a police officer on the way to the event.  Frank, shares how he rolled through a stop sign, but only received a warning.

During the conversation, Juan flashes back to last New Year’s Eve when he too was stopped, a similar experience which transpired differently for him.  The police officer summoned Juan, who does not drink or use drugs, out of the car for a sobriety test.  The officer then questioned his whereabouts.  Juan shared he was on his way home from midnight mass.  Juan remembers wondering if his older model car was a target.  He also remembers driving home carefully that night because of the increased potential for impaired drivers on New Year’s Eve.  Juan asked the officer why he was being pulled over, but the officer didn’t respond.  Although Juan too did not receive a ticket at the end of the traffic stop, he chose not share his experience with Frank.

  • Why do you think Juan does not share his New Year’s Eve encounter?
  • How would you feel if you are Juan hearing Frank’s story?
  • What unmet relational needs or uncomfortable feelings might Juan experience?
  • How might this conversation impact Frank and Juan’s relationship?
  • Why is emotional intelligence important to a relationship, such as Frank and Juan’s?
  • What does emotional health look like if you are Frank? Juan?

Exercise taken from Art of Invitation Facilitator Guidebook, page 78.  Used by permission for those who have registered as a facilitator.  Register here.

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